A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, we have the story of a young girl who fought against a repressive and cruel empirical government. In the process, her home world was destroyed, and she was held prisoner and tortured by a man who (she would later discover) was her birth father.
When her father was young, he suffered a great deal, including the killing of his mother. He was plucked out of his impoverished upbringing and told he was The Chosen One, a boy with an awesome power that he must learn to use. The boy became arrogant with time, but he also fell in love. When he began to have nightmares of losing this love, fear began to take hold of him. Could he not control this destiny? If he was all-powerful, what could he not control? Thus began the transformation of the young man into the embodiment of all that is evil.
If you’ve never seen Star Wars, the Sith lord who would be Emperor plays on the arrogance and fears of the young man, ultimately turning him to his will by convincing him that yes, these things can be controlled, and he, the Emperor, was the only one who could teach him how. Like Milton’s Lucifer, the young boy begins his descent into hell, becoming convinced that the ends justify the dark means.
I can’t help but think of how Princess Leia must have felt to learn that such a man was her father. In the movies, Darth Vader is ultimately saved and returned to the Light before his death, but this is, after all, fiction. An Ebenezer Scrooge-like ending is always hoped for, but seldom occurs.
As I watch the current American political process, I see Donald Trump exhibiting similar arrogance and belief that he can, in fact, control the world. I have no doubt that he, like Darth Vader, believes it. I have seen this before. I have seen it in narcissistic and borderline personalities many times. I have seen it in my own father.
While growing up, my father always believed that he, with his superior intellect, knew all the answers. He told me that he had thought over all of the political issues and had arrived at the only correct conclusion. He was, he said, a Goldwater Republican. I had no idea what that meant at the time. But he has remained true to far-right conservative principles his entire life. And he used to say, more times than I can count, that if he were put in charge of the country, he would have everything straightened out in two weeks. And he believed it. Now, if you’re like me, you have to wonder at this. “Straightening everything out” in two weeks would assume that 1) there was no opposition, or that if there were, they could be silenced on demand, 2) he had ultimate power, and everyone would have no choice but to do his bidding. The definition of authoritarian is “favoring or enforcing strict obedience to authority, especially that of the government, at the expense of personal freedom.” My father would have no problem with sacrificing the personal freedom of others to accomplish what he felt was best for them. There is no difference between him and Donald Trump, other dictators, or Darth Vader at that point.
The Mayo Clinic defines narcissistic personality disorder as follows:
- Having an exaggerated sense of self-importance
- Expecting to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it
- Exaggerating your achievements and talents
- Being preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
- Believing that you are superior and can only be understood by or associate with equally special people
- Requiring constant admiration
- Having a sense of entitlement
- Expecting special favors and unquestioning compliance with your expectations
- Taking advantage of others to get what you want
- Having an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others
- Being envious of others and believing others envy you
- Behaving in an arrogant or haughty manner
My father’s delusions of grandeur have only increased with time, I am sad to say. He has not achieved mastery of the universe, but he does lie about his qualifications. My father has a high school diploma, and he spent a career in the military. While in the military, he was trained to do technical maintenance on nuclear weapons. He didn’t design the bombs, but like an auto mechanic, he kept them in good working order. Over the years, he has referred to himself as “a scientist,” “a physicist,” and a “nuclear physicist.” He is none of these. So why do this? Because he wants to present himself as more knowledgeable than he is so that he can better argue his point.
Of course, many people argue their points in reasonable and calm ways, but not my father. He uses a sledgehammer. He has no problem with belittling other ideas, calling those who disagree with him an idiot or delusional, and he has no problem with assassinating the character of those who disagree. Sound familiar? My father was an Internet troll before there was an Internet. God help those who comment on a thread with him now.
When I was a kid, I would watch “All in the Family” with my father, and I thought the show was about how stupid and ignorant Archie Bunker was. My father watched the same show and admired Archie Bunker’s plain talk. Over the years, my father’s racism and homophobia has not decreased; if anything, the reverse is true. I’m married to a woman, and my parents treated her like shit, I have to say. They treated me with disdain. I wouldn’t “behave.” If they were still in my life, it would be so much worse now.
When I was little, my father once bellowed at me, “I don’t just ask for respect, by God, I DEMAND IT!” (Dad talks and writes in all caps frequently.) I thought to myself, “No, you must earn it.” He never did.
My dad is an old man now. He’s retired, fired from his last two jobs, essentially. Not an easy man to work with in the private sector where you can’t just order people around. Trump can order people around because it’s his company. Dad was at the mercy of bosses higher up than he was. You can only talk to people like they’re an idiot for so long before they’ve had enough. Still, Dad is looking for ways to be relevant. To endow the ungrateful world with his superior intellect and revel in the admiration of those who agree with him. It’s sad. The deep, dark secret of the narcissist is that they actually have no real self-esteem. The only way they can feel good about themselves is to get other people to tell them how wonderful they are. Or to feel superior, because of their skin color or politics or heterosexual relationship. But it doesn’t really work. So they get angrier with age… the echo chamber of far-right propaganda fuels the rage and the sense of being “on the right side.” There is no gray area for a narcissist.
Sometimes I wonder how I managed to come out of my parents. How did I survive, first of all. But how did I manage to be… me? Perhaps I saw the example, and simply rejected it. I do believe that our past lives play a role; it’s not like we came out of a vacuum. Still. Princess Leia’s father was Darth Vader. She inherited his talent, but not his closed heart. Sometimes the fruit falls far from the tree. Thank heavens.