I'm a total wimp when it comes to my daughter's health. I'll call the doctor the minute I see a suspicious symptom that goes on too long for my personal comfort. Recently, she had a virus with symptoms that went on for a two weeks. We didn't wait until morning to take her to the doctor the night she was vomiting even water on her stomach. We took her to the ER in the wee hours. She still talks about this in her limited, two-year-old vocabulary way. "I went dark doctor Mama new car!"

"Yes, it was dark when you went to the doctor with Mama in the new car," I mimic back to her so that someday she will talk in a way that someone other than her Mamas will understand her.

"Doctor," she tells me. "Doctor," she says with obvious relief, still feeling the largess of her ordeal.

"Yes, he was a good doctor. He helped you feel better."

And then she lets it drop—until she sees the doctor in one of her picture books. "Doctor!" she will tell us with excited, two-year-old knowing. She will chew on this awhile, this life experience. It was a big deal for her. It was a big deal to be sick, and it was a big deal to feel better. She understands that someone helped her to do that. I'm glad she doesn't feel frightened of doctors. Hopefully, she will take care of her health with confidence when she is old enough to make those decisions.

I am not willing to take the chance of my children not being vaccinated. I will not let them suffer any pain that I can do something about. I cannot ignore even the smallest scratch or bump until I am sure that it is healing. I am a wimp when it comes to my kids' health, or I must seem like one to the parents who trust God and prayer alone to heal their kids' illnesses.

People who believe that God will heal their children's illnesses with prayer alone have been making the headlines here in Oregon in recent weeks. A fifteen month old with bacterial menengitis. A fourteen year old whose urethra was blocked by inflammation. An eleven year old with diabetes. All of these children died despite the fact that readily available medical treatment could have saved them.

These parents are a lot stronger than I am. They have a lot more faith than I do. I would not remain steadfast. I could not keep the faithful vigil. I would pick up the phone. I would call the ambulance. God would certainly discard me as unworthy to this challenge. I take full responsibility for my failure, but then, I suppose these parents do, too. They will perhaps suffer criminal prosecution, and certainly they suffer the loss of their children. Perhaps they will even suffer the loss of their faith, which may or may not be a good thing depending on your perspective.

Does God care about your faithfulness, or lack thereof? Does God care about your sacrifice? I honestly wonder, in my wimpdom, what could possibly be the gain of allowing your child to die as these children have. I actually believe that people can and do miraculously heal, but we never see those headlines. What proof do we have that a living person is healed by prayer alone? They could have sought treatment; they could have been misdiagnosed. Hell, they could have been lying. Death is a definite outcome. There is no such outcome for those who miraculously heal and live. In fact, those who say they are miraculously healed make us skeptical. In order to believe in this miracle, we have to have faith and trust in our fellow human beings, and myriad other attributes that aren't perhaps as tangible.

The danger of worshipping an external God is we think we take responsibility when we don't. When we sacrifice to gain approval, God and faith become an ego toy that needs bigger and bigger batteries. Soon our faith is powered by those less powerful than we are. Soon, we will give away anything to it, including, apparently, our children. My children are a sacred trust. I will use anything the universe puts at my disposal to protect them: doctors, antibiotics, vaccines, prayers, or outright begging. If they ever die because of something that no one could prevent, then I guess I will have to accept that. But until then, I accept full responsibility for keeping them alive and well. It's what I contracted with God to do.

Does faith healing work? I'm open to the possibility. I will gladly get up out of this wheelchair when the miracle of healing is visited on me. I will happily endure disbelief. I would accept Oprah's invitation. I don't know what will happen the day I wake up healed, but bring it on. I'm game.

Will I ever simply pray for my children's healing from a treatable medical problem? Nope, can't do it. I don't have that kind of faith. I will give thanks for the hands, hearts, and minds of the people God put here to help my kids get well.