When I was a child, I sat rapt in front of our black-and-white television, the channels of which I had to turn with a wrench, thrilled with fear when I heard this intro:

There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling transmission. If we wish to make it louder, we will bring up the volume. If we wish to make it softer, we will tune it to a whisper. We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical. We can roll the image, make it flutter. We can change the focus to a soft blur or sharpen it to crystal clarity. For the next hour, sit quietly and we will control all that you see and hear. We repeat, there is nothing wrong with your television set. You are about to participate in a great adventure. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to... The Outer Limits.
—Opening narration—The Control Voice—1960s

I was so horri-thrilled that something in my television could control me. What if I couldn't get away? What if it took me away? Would my parents find me? Would I be home in time for dinner? I loved the thought of control as a magic carpet ride. What ever happened, happened. I was not culpable because I was controlled… It was, somehow, oddly confusing that in the end it was just a TV show, and my sister would come in and lackadaisically turn the wrench to Star Trek.

Most of childhood is out of our control. A savvy parent will offer a child choices, but in the end, even those choices are controlled by the parent. I had the double whammy of an alcoholic father and a physical disability, besides. It was pretty obvious to me from an early age that nothing much was in my control, but I knew children who had the opposite experience. My neighbor and friend with whom I routinely played once became completely outraged with me because I passed gas loudly and longly. "Can't you hold it?" she spat at me, taking her doll, which I was playing with, away from me.

"Why would you want to?" It was an honest question.

"Go home!" she commanded. And so I did. When I arrived home, my mother was surprised to see me. "What happened?" she queried, turning from her kitchen work to see if I was injured or bleeding.

"I farted, and Lolly told me to go home."

"What?" she said, holding her amusement until she was sure she had heard me correctly. So I repeated myself. She started laughing so hard she had to sit down. "It's going to be a hard life for a kid who can't handle a fart," she mused when she could speak. But from that moment on, I controlled my need to pass gas whenever I visited next door. The bigger issue didn't occur to me until decades later: how controlled I was by my friend's disgust. Our friendship eroded over this. She never quite trusted me, and I never felt worthy of her after that day.

And, of course, we revisit issues of control in raising our own children. We effectively or ineffectively control poor behavior or tantrums with discipline. But there's nothing like the realization that we cannot control what goes into or comes out of their bodies. We can take the diapers off, but a child is only completely potty trained when she or he chooses to be. We can make nutritious meals that end up on the floor, or the child simply chooses an empty stomach over a full one, despite our best efforts.

So, who is in control? Our neighbors? Our children? Our bosses? God? You can attempt to give away control to anything or anyone you choose, but the truth is the only thing we have control over in this world is our reaction to it. My child chooses where her poo poo goes. I chose to feel unworthy. Lolly chose to feel disgusted. I chose The Outer Limits. My sister chose Star Trek. How ever much we may believe that we must make the choices we are making, there is always another choice.

Issues of control shape our lives. Issues of control shape our destinies. But, we control the transmission. We can make it louder. We can make it softer. We can control the vertical. We can control the horizontal. We will control the picture, consciously or unconsciously. If you take conscious control of your reactions to the world around you, you are more likely to end up in the place you want to be. Ok, there are those moments in life when someone walks in and changes the channel, or the dial falls off, but there's always a wrench somewhere.

Sit quietly. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the outer limits to the inner mind.