We don't tend to like people who always put their own needs before the needs of others, but in our desire to be "good people," we may often go to the other extreme, in which everyone's needs come before our own. This is not only out of balance, it is a form of self-deprecation that says to the Universe, "I am not worthy." As with anything we think or believe, the Universe will respond by creating a reality that matches our thought.

We are taught from an early age that if we give, we are good people. We are also taught that sacrificing for others makes us good people. "It is better to give than to receive," we say. And there's no question that giving is a great and necessary thing. It's how we expand beyond ourselves and share our divinity. But if we give from the well too often without replenishing the water, the well will go dry. When this happens, we suffer and are left with nothing to give. Everybody loses.

The sacrifice which causes sorrow to the doer of the sacrifice is no sacrifice. Real sacrifice lightens the mind of the doer and gives him a sense of peace and joy.
—Mahatma Gandhi

Excessive giving and sacrifice can be a form of self-punishment stemming from a sense of worthlessness. If everybody in your life "always comes first," then you may believe, consciously or not, that you don't deserve to. This can happen to anyone, but it's very common with women who have families. Mothers are often the ones who "keep it all together" and put the needs of their family before their own, sometimes to the extent that they become depressed because their needs are not being met. Women in particular are socialized to believe that their primary function is to be a mother, and anything outside of that role is not as important. Of course, this can also happen with fathers, who may believe that their role as provider trumps their personal needs, too. These are just examples; everyone is susceptible to this kind of thinking.

Some people who give too much, without receiving, stay very busy. Often, this "busyness" is a way to avoid being still:  if we are too busy to sit with ourselves, we won't notice that we're not happy. We won't notice the things in our life that aren't working. We won't notice the things that we really want or need to change. Sometimes sacrifice helps us hide from ourselves.

In order to heal and be happy, we must learn to receive. Paradoxically, this is much harder than learning to give for most people. The act of receiving gracefully and gratefully is one of the most important spiritual lessons that we can learn. When we receive, we affirm to the Universe, "Yes, I deserve this. Thank you." When we receive, we are filling our personal well. As it begins to overflow, we can share that overflow with the people around us, which then returns to us again, refilling our well, only to be given yet again. This is the divine cycle of giving and receiving. This is the divine cycle of our abundance.

Abundance also encompasses time, energy, and nurturing. When you matter, you give yourself all of these things. You give yourself the time to be, or to do whatever fulfills you. You take care of yourself, whether by doing yoga, meditating, or going dancing. You allow yourself to have the things that energize you and that make you feel nurtured. You allow others to do these things for you as well. Maybe you let someone else make dinner or do the laundry, even if that means it doesn't get done "perfectly." What IS perfect is knowing how to receive with gratitude, so that you can give back in your own perfectly imperfect way.

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