A number of Americans believe that the United States should be loved, respected, and above all FEARED in the world. The first problem with this belief is that respect and fear are mutually exclusive concepts:  you can fear someone, or you can respect someone, but not both. Oh, sure, the person who is afraid may wear a mask of respect, but that mask is driven by fear and is not real. "Respect" in this sense only means that the person is playing a role to avoid the wrath of the one they fear.

The larger problem with this, however, is the belief that you must inspire fear to be strong. Is a bully strong? Is a parent strong if the only method they can devise to "make you behave" is to make you fear them? Is a terrorist strong for blowing up buildings? Is the government strong for sending in armed troops to disperse an unarmed, peaceful protest? Would you respect any of these, based on their actions?

Certainly, if you pick up a stick, someone else can pick up a knife, then someone else can pick up a gun. We can one-up each other in our scare tactics until pretty soon we all have weapons of mass destruction. Been there, done that. But growling and posturing in our respective global armed camps hasn't made us respect, much less like, one another. It's our animal brain talking. We're beating our chest, raising our hackles, baring our teeth, and trying to look very, very scary so that we can protect what we have and get what we want.

So, what is it that we really want? What are we really trying to protect? Why do we need to feel strong by intimidating others?

Ultimately, we want to be validated and we want to be in control, because control itself is self-validating. We need to be "right." We crave the respect of other people (even if we haven't earned it), because respect is validation that we are okay, that we're "good people," and that we're right. In this context, we interpret disagreement as a sign of disrespect, and we feel like the other person—by disagreeing—is making us "wrong." Our egos will go to any lengths to avoid this, so we cajole, manipulate, or attempt to scare our way into making the person who disagrees with us change their mind. In other words, we try to control their thoughts and beliefs because they threaten us.

Even a short glance at history teaches us that scare tactics haven't worked so well. Empires rise on a wave of fear and blood, but they always fall again, because this just isn't how you reach people. No one is going to change their beliefs at gunpoint—though they may pretend to agree with you for awhile. But sooner or later, the oppressed see their opening, take the gun, and the process starts all over again.

Many Americans are feeling frustrated with global affairs and with the US government, in particular. It doesn't matter what your party affiliation is—you're probably frustrated and wondering why things don't seem to be getting better. The truth is, all of our social systems, our governments, and our interactions with other nations are reflections of our struggles on an internal, personal level. We will have a government that is in integrity when we the people are in integrity with ourselves. When we can embody our true selves and our true passions and treat others respectfully and with compassion, then our governments and our social systems will reflect this shift. When we can find peace within ourselves and stop trying to make other people "wrong," we will have world peace.

The events of this world are our mirror. We create them every day with our thoughts, beliefs, and choices. You can blame the government, or a political party, or a particular nation or group of people, but in the end, we are all collectively responsible for what happens. You cannot control the thoughts, beliefs, or choices of other people. Big weapons and vicious snarls will still not enable you to do this, on any level. But you can control your own thoughts, beliefs, and choices. And this is where we all must start.

Be the change you want to see in the world.
—Mahatma Gandhi

If everyone swept their own front porch, the world would be clean.
—Author unknown

Related articles:

• Out of control
• Why integrity matters
• We are One: The world is a reflection of you
• What it means to speak your truth
• Finding peace in an uncertain world
• Making exceptions to Love